La Retour a La Raison Series
by stelena1981
Summary: Post 2x22 AU. What if Elena saved Stefan after all?
1. Chapter 1

Stefan wasn't the only one who was willing to sacrifice himself for someone he loved. After spending the first few days of Stefan's disappearance uncovering what happened to him because of the deal he made with Klaus, Elena began to plot how she would get him back. On the surface, she somehow convinced Damon and Alaric that she would let them do the heavy lifting because it was too dangerous for her and because Stefan wouldn't want her to get hurt. Even if Damon was onto her it didn't matter.

And Stefan? Stefan didn't think of her when he gave himself over to the blood to save his brother. She could give a fuck what he wanted at the moment. Especially when what she wanted was him, safe and sound and whole and hers.

She lies awake at night in their bed—she never did move back to the Gilbert house—and reads Stefan's journals. Initially she felt guilty about invading his privacy and had a flash of heartbreak when she remembered him coming by her house that first time with her journal in hand.

_"Don't worry, I didn't read it."_

_"No? Why not, most people would have."_

_"I wouldn't want anyone to read mine."_

_"You keep a journal?"_

_"Yeah, if I don't write it down I forget it. Memories are too important."_

The memories affect her a lot lately. She wrestles with nausea because somehow she has repressed every emotion and feeling in search of finding him and these memories that come with the journals just bring everything up.

Everything. She'd think she was pregnant if it was possible but of course…

In the journals she finds the stories that Stefan told her at the lake house. The stories of thinking he killed John Gilbert in 1864 and the bloodbath that followed.

The moment he met Lexi.

His journey to sobriety.

His first relapse in 1917 that lead to the massacre in that small village. Lexi's subsequent visit that ends with her sequestering him to some desolate isle in the middle of nowhere for 17 months.

Relapse in 1944 during World War II.

Relapse in 1960.

And then 50 years of sobriety.

She read and read and when she finished she would go downstairs and force Damon to fill in the details as he could. She had to know what she was dealing with—who she was dealing with when his blood thirst was not reigned in.

Most importantly, she needed to know who she needed to be in order to deal.

It didn't take long for Bonnie and her cousin Lucy to locate Klaus and Stefan in Panama. Elena makes a deal with Bonnie that allows her and Caroline—taking Caroline was the only way Bonnie would agree to let Elena go on her own—to get a two day head start on Damon and Alaric.

Before they leave, they stop at the warehouse—the last place Stefan was seen—and she pulls the dagger out of Elijah. Again.

"Your word that you hold so dear cost me my lover. And for what? Where's your family! Do you know where mine are? Mostly dead or on the way to wishing for death."

"Stefan knew the odds. He understood the bond between family—between brothers. Immortality changes everything. But Elena, as little as my word means to you, I can help you find my brother and your Stefan."

"You're right. Your word means nothing to me. But all I care about right now is getting to Stefan and you are my only option."

"Elena, I fear that if the rumors about Stefan off the wagon are true, we may be too late to help him."

She will not change words with him about this. "Just bring me to him."

The entire flight to Panama Elena dreams of Stefan. She dreams of the ways the blood changed him, making him smooth and risk-taking; bold and dangerous. She remembers that it brought out the love he had for her in striking ways but that it also made him a liar, it also made him mean, lashing out at the ones he loved.

She remembers how he was the first night she knew something was wrong—the night he came to her after staying away for days. She was out of her mind with worry—and she missed Stefan more than she realized. She missed his steadiness emotionally just as much as she missed his physical presence. Which is why she held herself back as long as she could before she made a move to intimately reconnect with him. She remembers how intense his kisses were and how he flipped them and held her hands down as he ravished her. She recalls how much she wanted him right then and how when the vampire came to the forefront she was initially afraid but before she could settle herself, he had jumped off of her and threw himself against the wall.

As she woke, Elena felt her body still reeling from the intense dreams. She looked over at still sleeping Caroline confident that she knew what she would have to do to bring him back.

They checked into their hotel and the first thing Elena did was give Caroline the sleep elixir Bonnie gave to Damon to keep him out of the game. She stole it from Bonnie.

She'd apologize and explain…later.

The second thing was for her to find Stefan. Elijah knew instantly where his brother was. By nightfall the pair arrive at a small town outside of Cristobal. The town housed a large acreage estate that had been in their family for centuries. Elena gasped at the largesse of the house. How would she get to Stefan? How would she find him?

As if he could read her mind, he tells her, "You might try the west wing of the house first. My brother leaves that side for guests."

Elena looks at Elijah carefully and without word runs toward the estate. It is not lost on her how dangerous this is and she's not even sure how effective her plan will be. But she knows that she cannot let him think she won't come to rescue him. And one way or the other, she won't leave him here alone.

At the moment she tries to determine how she will gain entry to the house without setting off alarms, Elijah appeared again, this time grabbing hold to her waist and moving her to the servants entry way. "Klaus is out for the night. And if I know my brother, he won't return until sunrise. You will have a little over six hours to reach Stefan. After that, I can no longer guarantee your safety."

Elena nods in understanding but doesn't respond to his implications about Stefan.

"I hope you kill Klaus this time, Elijah."

She doesn't wait for a response. With one last look, Elena carefully moves into the entry way inside the house. The housekeepers, clearly under compulsion, completely overlook her presence as she moves through them to get to the west wing.

She walks up the servants staircase to the bedrooms and carefully she enters the corridor Elijah directed her to. She follows the music that is playing at the end of the hall. She recognizes the song from one of her and Stefan's late night talks. He played her "Venus in Furs" and told her that when he felt melancholy that was the song he would listen to on repeat.

_I am tired, I am weary  
>I could sleep for a thousand years<br>A thousand dreams that would awake me  
>Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather<br>Whiplash girl-child in the dark  
>Severin, your servant comes in bells, please don't forsake him<br>Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart_

The song played as she made love to him and tried to create new memories to associate with the music.

She wonders which memory has survived as he listens now.

She walks to the door, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She turns the doorknob and opens the door to darkness save for a lamp on his nightstand.

Stefan lies on his bed, one hand resting above his head, the other on his chest and stares directly at Elena.

She has to admit: part of her is so relieved that he is alive that she finds her legs want to turn to jelly from how tightly she's been guarding herself.

Elena doesn't trust herself to speak. The words will break her.

And so they stare at each other.

He finally speaks at her: "Why are you here? There's nothing you can do for me now Elena."

She finds her voice and is surprised by how clear it is. Somehow it is these moments where she feels most weak that she sounds most strong. "You know why I'm here, Stefan. I came to bring you home."

"Elena if you're here then you know the deal I made. I no longer have a home."

Elena cannot help but flash back to the morning after she and Stefan got back together.

_"__Elijah promised to keep me and everyone else safe as long as we play by his rules."  
>"Right. As long as you play by his rules."<br>"Stefan, I made a deal with Elijah."  
>"Right. You made a deal with him. I didn't make one. You should keep your deal."<em>

She sighs deeply and uses the words against him. "Stefan, you made a deal with him. I didn't make one. Keep your deal. I'm bringing you home. Against your will."

"Elena, I don't think you understand. This is not the same as when you were able to lock me in a dungeon for two days and I came back to myself. This is different. I have given into the blood fully. I am what I was always meant to be."

"A ripper? Is that who you think you are, Stefan?"

"Call it what you want. It is what I am. What I have always been and been too ashamed to admit."

"Stefan I know you. I know every part of you. Even this part. But I know your heart more. And this was never who you were."

Stefan sits up and by the time she blinks he is standing in front of her. He looks at her from her head to her toes. At once it is both predatorial and highly sexual. Her breath catches at the way he looks. After a while, he seems content with his effect and moves toward her making her walk backwards into the door.

He puts his hands on the door, hovering over her. She swallows back her fear. She would not be afraid of Stefan. She needed him to see that. She needed him to know that she loved him. He would need the memory of her face without fear once he came back to himself.

"Do you have a syringe filled with vervain loaded and ready for me? Ahh that's right, that won't affect me anymore."

She holds out her hands to him. "No vervain. No tricks. Just me."

"That's too bad. You would think you'd be smarter now that you've experienced all that you'd seen. I guess you think Damon will save you now, huh? Save me? Are you stalling for him to come and help you? Tell me, has he made a move yet? Did he make what I did worth his while?"

_(Oh God. Her heart. She can't do it. She can't take it. These words. Oh God.)_

As much as what she will say will hurt him, she needs to do this. She needs to know how far gone he really is.

So she cuts him: "I did kiss him, actually. But no, he's not coming. I told you—I came for you. Me."

He's still in there. He looks at her with a mix of betrayal and hurt and jealousy and then…apathy.

"Like I said, he loves you. And I guess you love him. I'm glad I could make this happen for you. Now get out. I have a dinner to dress for and guests I need to prepare to eat."

The slap comes out of nowhere. She hits him with so much force that it catches him off guard and allows her to move around him.

"You never believed me did you? All those times I told you. All those moments I spent moaning your name. I told you: I came here for you. I love you. Not Damon. He is still trying to learn what that word means. Being an ass won't make the hurt go away Stefan. And it won't make me go away either. So you're gonna have to be creative for once and try something else."

He ignores her. Puts on his starched white shirt and begins to button it.

"You know, I should have asked you how far you would go to save Damon. I should have come up with a plan with you. I should have made my peace with Damon and then helped you. That's my fault."

He continued to dress without uttering a word.

"That's my fault. And I will be eternally sorry I wasn't there for you when Klaus forced you to drink. I can't imagine how crazy it made you. To be there alone suffering."

He thinks he finds a way to cut her. "I wasn't alone. Katherine was there with me. You were with Damon. I guess it all worked out."

The blow does damage. A tear falls down her face but she thinks of the first time he told her he loved her. That she was the woman that he loved. Her. Not Katherine. She wipes the water from her face.

"No, Stefan. You were alone. She sat and watched you suffer. And I'm sorry."

"Elena, why are you still here. GET. OUT. I will hurt you. I turned the switch off. No feelings; no remorse. Remember?"

"Maybe so. But I bet by the end of this night you'll turn it back on."

He faces her fully dressed in a formal tuxedo. Elena has never seen him more beautiful.

"I'm going to dinner. When I get back, be gone. You don't want to deal with Klaus. Or me." And with that he she waits.

Two hours later, he returns with his bowtie loose and hanging around his neck and the buttons of his shirt undone. There is blood on his shirt and on his forearms where the sleeves have been rolled up. There are lingering drops around his mouth. Elena rises from the bed and watches him. Her heart sinks at the sight before her.

This is for real.

"Still here? You missed a most amazing dinner. Panamanians have the best flavor this side of the hemisphere. I forgot about that."

She walks over to him against the door and places her hands on either side of his mouth. She makes a decision. He is worth the sacrifice.

"Stefan, I love you. I can't stay away from you. I won't. If this is who you want to be now then I will love you. I love all of you."

He laughs. "You can't love me, Elena. I'm a ripper. Go back to Damon."

"This has nothing to do with Damon. And I do love you. Let me show you." She kisses him hard. Tastes the blood on his tongue and presses past the urge to gag. She could do this. She could.

As she deepens the kiss, he pushes her away. She moves toward him again and then he pushes her against the door, her back facing him. "So, this is how you want it? I don't have love to give anymore, Elena."

"Bullshit, Stefan. If you didn't love me, you wouldn't be behind me hard as a rock."

"Elena are you that naïve? Sex and love have nothing to do with each other."

She wiggles out of his grasp and turns to face him. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that." As he begins to repeat himself, she maneuvers her hand to the hardness outlining his trousers.

Neither of them blinks as she unzips his pants and snakes her hand inside stroking him.

"Do you remember the night you came over after you stayed away trying to get over drinking blood the first time? Do you remember beginning to make love? You were rough with me and it was new but it turned me on. And then you vamped out and it surprised me and you took my expression as fear. You threw yourself against a wall to keep from hurting me and ran off without a word. I know you were ashamed of that but Stefan, what you didn't know was that as soon as you left that night I was still so excited I had to get myself off. So I touched myself and imagined it was you touching me rough and hard. I came so hard that night Stefan. So hard. I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed."

She continued stroking him until he stopped her. In one quick motion he moved her to a desk and had her bend over with her hands on the desk. He wasted no time ripping the fly open on her jeans and pulling them down along with her underwear.

He kissed her neck and moved his hands down to her center and he's rubbing her sensitive spot and she can't help but groan at his touch.

And right at the point that she about to come apart, he pulls back and slides into her. They both moan. He rocks against her with a punishing rhythm, his hands bound to leave a mark on her hips as he presses so firmly into them.

Elena is lost in sensation. Stefan, her Stefan, ripper or no, knew her body and knew how to make her mewl.

His fucks grew in intensity and she gave as good as she got.

"Let go, Elena."

"You first, Stefan," realizing the double meaning of their words.

And she rolled her hips and clenched her inner muscles in such a way at the right moment that made him come so hard he lost consciousness.

She turned around and pushed him onto the bed. Sitting on top of him, she continued to rock against him needing the friction to ease the ache between her thighs.

It didn't take long for him to recharge and for them to begin again. Right before Elena peaked, she bent down and brought Stefan to her neck. "Drink, Stefan, please drink," she moaned the pleasure on the precipice of overwhelming her.

He resisted but at the moment she bit his neck, he could no longer fight the urge and before he knew it he had vamped out and bitten into her flesh.

Elena clamped down on him so hard they both yelled. He stopped himself from taking too much and as she gently continued to roll her hips against him, he found himself fading.

"I lied about the no tricks, Stefan. I love you."

And the elixir that Bonnie made that fortuitously only affected vampires once again saved Elena. She ingested it while Stefan was out knowing that he would never think she'd try to poison him.

With only an hour to spare before sunrise and Klaus's return, she dressed and called Elijah. Quickly he came to her, grabbing Stefan and putting them in a car he arranged to take them away.

"The car and the plane will take you wherever you wish. Caroline is safe and is on her way back to Mystic Falls. I hope we are now even, Ms. Gilbert."

Elena only nods. "Kill him, Elijah. Or I will."

She shuts the door and the car speeds away.

With Stefan in her arms, she allows herself to cry for the first time since he disappeared.

Stefan awakens and finds himself in the small adobe house he built in 1917. How did he get here? His last memory was of Elena on top of him and then…nothing.

How did he end up on Amantani Island?

The answer is sitting next to him watching him carefully. Her eyes are filled with love and sadness. She studies him carefully and says her first words to him in a measured tone.

"Here's what is going to happen. I read your journals. I know Lexi left you here to sober up by yourself but that doesn't work for me. So, I'm going to help you and then we're going home. However long it takes. Got it?"

3 days later, the blood is out of his system.

5 days later, the depression is upon him.

10 days later, he breaks down.

12 days later, he hugs her back.

14 days later, he tells her he loves her, begs her forgiveness, and they both cry when they make love.

28 days later, they arrive in Mystic Falls in the middle of the night.

30 days later, she gives him a keychain that says "30 days clean."

And then they await the next fight. Together.


	2. Chapter 2

_Stefan awakens and finds himself in the small adobe house he built in 1917. How did he get here? His last memory was of Elena on top of him and then…nothing._

_How did he end up on Amantani Island?_

_The answer is sitting next to him watching him carefully. Her eyes are filled with love and sadness. She studies him carefully and says her first words to him in a measured tone._

_"Here's what is going to happen. I read your journals. I know Lexi left you here to sober up by yourself but that doesn't work for me. So, I'm going to help you and then we're going home. However long it takes. Got it?"_

"Got it?" she asks him. Elena doesn't touch him no matter how much she wants to. No matter how strong her body craves to be near him. The stern look on her face is one she's practiced for hours while he's been asleep.

They arrived here nearly two days ago after Elena remembered these islands from Stefan's journal. North of Peru off the coast of Lake Titicaca, Amantani Islands were remote—a perfect place to regroup. She told the pilot where she wanted to go and from there all the travel was arranged down to the boat that carried them to the farthest area of the island. Once the islanders (who had appeared out of nowhere) came and helped her move Stefan into the small adobe house, she made phone calls to Mystic Falls to let them know they were safe and that they would be off the grid for awhile.

And then she waited for him to wake. And prepared her face for what she was sure to be a showdown to rival all others.

Stefan doesn't respond. He feels different—detoxed. He also feels extremely disoriented. He hasn't been here in this house since 1918. It was more than an understatement for him to think that being here with the love of his life was just a bit surreal.

"Stefan, do you understand me? You're going to get better and I'm going to be there to help you every step of the way. I am never leaving you again." She knows how dramatic she sounds. She knows that she has no idea of what the future holds for them. But she knows that as of this minute, that is the truest statement she possesses.

He's lying on a makeshift table covered with a heavy blanket and naked except for his boxer briefs. He will not give Elena the satisfaction of eye contact that she craves, instead choosing to stare at the ceiling. "Never may only be a matter of days Elena. Klaus will find us and kill us…after he's killed every villager on this island. And then he'll find Damon and kill him and every person we love in Mystic Falls. And then my great sacrifice will be for nothing and it will all be on your head. Can you live with that?"

"No. Elijah is handling Klaus. And right now Klaus is more interested in chasing down Katherine as she bounces across Europe than in locating little you and me in the middle of nowhere. And our family in Mystic Falls is safe. Bonnie has gotten help protecting everyone."

Stefan laughs at her certainty. "If by handling you mean Elijah giving Klaus all the space he needs to execute his revenge, then you would be right. Although I should thank Elijah for allowing the ritual to be completed. I never would have been able to save Damon without it. When you leave me here, please be sure to tell Damon to give my best regards to Elijah for that small favor."

His eyes left the ceiling as he turned his body away from her.

Elena sat in the chair next to him in shock at how he so easily dismissed her. Shock that easily transformed into anger.

"Oh no. I will not be dismissed Stefan. And I will not be so easily frightened. Elijah _is handling Klaus_ and everyone we love is as safe as they can ever be."

She walks around to the side of the table he is facing and looks him in the eyes. "If you want to convince me to give up on you, you're gonna have to do a hell of a lot better than a bit about Damon. I'm not going anywhere. So you can just get used to it. Or not. It's up to you."

Silence. Elena walks away.

"I'm just gonna catch some shut eye while Klaus arrives," he says to her as she almost makes it out of the adobe house. She grips the door for support as she regains her strength and then quietly exits.

Two hours later she throws a bucket of ice cold water onto Stefan. He rises in vamp face.

"Oh let me guess. You're gonna bite the water? Get up Stefan. We need to talk."

"Nothing to talk about Elena. Has Klaus arrived yet?"

"For your information, Klaus is dead. I just got word from Elijah."

"And you believe him?"'

"I do, actually. Bonnie and her cousin Lucy created a global coven whose strength rendered Klaus powerless so that Elijah would have enough time to pull out his heart. Bonnie promised to help him locate the family that Klaus hid from him. That was enough."

He sits quietly with the information. "So, what's changed? I'm still fallen and without redemption."

"Is that what you think? That you're beyond redemption? Stefan, what you did for your brother? The lengths that you went to make sure he was safe? They make you a hero. They make me more proud of you and proud to be with you and in love with you than I ever imagined."

"It's easy to say that until you know the things I've done. The people I've killed. And enjoyed killing. Klaus was right: I do have a penchant for evil. Who am I to resist?"

"You're the best person I know. That's who."

"Maybe before. But not now." He still refuses eye contact with her. "Now? I'm just a monster."

Tired of trying to force him to look at her, she decides to jump on him and force eye contact. His face is still wet from the water and so is his hair. She stares at this beautiful man with the most expressive hazel eyes she'd ever seen and has to remember that now is the time for tough love and not…the kind she misses most. The kind that left her breathless and boneless.

They'd get there. She had to believe that they would.

Elena was not the only one struggling. The guilt that Stefan had so forcefully pushed down into the recesses of himself had just as forcefully pushed its way back to the forefront of his mind. Looking at Elena's face full of compassion and love and support only speeded it along.

He needed to continue to fight it. And he would do it by trying to hurt her.

"Elena, if you want to fuck, all you gotta do is ask," he motioned toward her current state on top of him and grinded his hips into hers. She placed her palms on the table and fought to maintain her sanity against the moves this man was trying to provoke in her.

Her mouth flew open in embarrassment and hurt. But she banished it quickly for his sake. She still felt like as he recovered, he would need memories of her supportive face to overwhelm the despair he would find himself drowning in. Whatever reassurance she could give him was her ultimate goal.

Elena finally founds words to speak back to Stefan. "Hardly. But I do want you to look at me."

"You sure? Like I told you in Panama, there is a definite difference between sex and love. But I hope you won't mind if I don't bite you. That was a bitch. (pause) Speaking of bitches, where's Damon anyway? Where's the Scooby gang?"

"I am positive. As much as I might love you, right now I'm not in the mood. And everyone—including Damon—is safe. I told them we were safe but gave no directions to where we are. I wanted you all to myself."

He considers her words and realizes that his cuts haven't affected her decision. "Elena, I really wish you would just leave. Like you said, you read the journals. I was here by myself. I don't want you here."

"And like I said, that doesn't work for me. I need to be here with you. I promised you long ago that it would always be you and me. I meant it then and I mean it now."

"Elena, no one, least of all me, is holding you to those words. You have the opportunity to grow up and decide if you want a family and grow old. You have the opportunity to know love. Take it."

Stefan using the words she confessed to him in a moment of sheer terror for her future against her hurt her. Those words hurt her. Deeply. Against her best effort, it did cause a tear to roll down her face.

Her hand caresses his face. And then she slaps him. Leaning in and touching noses, she quickly adds, "I forgive you. Remember that."

She hops off him, wipes the tear away and walks outside.

That night, Elena lies in the bedroom of the adobe house wide awake. What if this doesn't work? What if he is forever like this? How would she continue breathing? How would she survive this heartbreak?

And just as her mind readies to cycle through her worries even faster, she feels a dip in the mattress. Stefan doesn't reach out to grab her but stays frozen on his side of the bed.

Elena can hardly breathe she is so overwhelmed. They face opposite sides of the bed.

"I'm sorry. You should leave me."

"I'm sorry. That doesn't work for me."

And they both fall into a deep sleep for the first time since he was taken away from her.

When Elena awakes, she has some sense memory of her legs wrapped around Stefan's but when she opens her eyes she sees that he has disappeared.

Startled by his absence, she bolts from the bed and runs around the house fighting to keep from screaming his name. And then the thoughts that cross her mind of where he could be and what he could have done begin to form in her mind and she grabs her chest and…

She finds him on one of the nearby cliffs to their house watching the water turn into waves. The bluffs aren't high but they are rocky and rough and by the time she reaches him, she's cut up pretty bad.

"That blood is pretty tempting. You sure you want to come up here next to me?" He says in a bravado that she knows he is losing with every waking moment.

"You know, you should really leave the snark to your brother. He pulls it off much more convincingly. It is what it is Stefan. If today is my time then I've seen the most beautiful place on earth and I've died next to the love of my life. I will have lived."

Neither of them looks at the other instead choosing to stare at the blue of Lake Titicaca. Since their arrival, she has had no time to explore the island much or go for a swim. While she waited for Stefan to wake, she would occasionally go out there and put her toe in the water enjoying the coolness.

Elena wants to ask him so many questions about why Lexi chose this place for him and what is was like in 1917. She wanted to know how when they arrived here four days ago the islanders looked upon his sleeping face and knew how to help him. Why did they help them settle into the adobe house. Or how the older islanders would never get in the way but always leave jugs of slaughtered lamb's blood and food for Elena at their doorstep. Elena was so determined to watch over Stefan that she tried to overrule her stomach and not eat. She wanted to know so much and yet she patiently sat next to him and waited.

Stefan stared out at the water and despite his best intention, could not help but feel comforted by her presence next to him. As far gone as he believed he was, he was not a little discomfited at how much his body, his sense memory needed her presence. Monster or no, Elena was his. He said what he did to her about her blood tempting him because he could and not actually because he meant it. If he could explain one thing it was that when he allows himself to be predatory, he can be selective about those he pursues.

Maybe Stefan should tell her that. Maybe that would scare her away. But then there was that bodily presence part that he craved. He wanted her near him. He had wanted her while he was doing Klaus's bidding. His love for Elena was never the issue; the issue was he couldn't be who he was to her as he was now. She couldn't love him as he was now. And he can't go back now. He's done too many things now.

But he still craves her touch. Craves it worse than blood. He almost laughs to himself because his addiction to her was just as palpable to him as ripping out throats.

Still staring out at the waters, he allows himself to give in an inch. A centimeter of give. He moves incrementally toward her and lets his right shoulder graze hers. The touch even the nearness of her body, the warmth it gives off, makes him close his eyes.

Elena feels him wrestling with himself. She feels like he's trying to make a decision about something. What she knows is that his decision is not about whether she should live or die. Some may call her stupid-Damon certainly did when she called him on the satellite phone Elijah provided for them when they first arrived on Amantani Island to let everyone know they were safe—but she always felt secure that Stefan would never hurt her. Which was ironic because although she watched Stefan lose control twice now, and while she knew he was far from innocent with the lives he had taken now, it was Damon (in control for the most part) who she had more physical altercations with—not evil!dark!Stefan.

But if it was stupid what she was doing? She could live with that.

And then she felt his shoulder graze hers. That simple, almost invisible movement allowed her to release a breath she had been holding for days. Her insides were exploding: "He's still there. He's still here. He still loves me. He still needs me. I'm doing the right thing. We're going to get through this. He's going to hold me again..."

"How long have we been here?" he asks as if it he's not particularly interested in the answer.

"Four days. You were unconscious for the first two and a half," she opts for a matter of fact tone. Two could play at this game.

"This place never changes. I would come to this very spot and look out at the water for days at a time. Once I came up here without my ring."

She knew what that meant. She had seen him do that as well. And she waited for him to finish telling the tale.

"I had been here four months. The guilt, the inevitability that I would never be able to fully control what I am had overwhelmed me. I was tired and had drunk myself into oblivion and I climbed here waiting for the sun to rise."

She waited.

"You're not gonna ask me what changed my mind?"

"If you want to tell me, you'll tell me. We don't keep things from each other."

"Lexi. I thought about Lexi. She was the only person who had ever just been kind to me. The only person who ever just loved me and fought for me to be better. I figured that I owed her at least another minute of existence. And then another day. And another. And another month. Until I finally could sit without my skin crawling."

Elena decided to gamble with the peaceful sitting arrangement they had silently agreed to. She pushed into his shoulder and moved her face toward his neck. She couldn't help but smell him. The mixture of the water and his scent nearly undid the calm veneer she wore.

He sat frozen, unable-unwilling-to react to her touch. Although he could not resist smelling her. Elena always smelled sweet. A scent he would know anywhere.

Elena adjusted her face to look up at his and when he finally looked at her and their eyes locked, for a moment, it was _them_. It was Stefan and Elena. He saw her hurt and worry and love and trust and lust and passion and sadness; she saw his fear and anger and sadness and love.

But she saw no hope.

Before she could reach out to touch his face he moved himself from her and off the cliffs.

Fear and a loss of hope-that is what she would work on next.

She climbed down the rough cliffs and made her way back to the adobe house.

Like clockwork, she found bread, meat and a jar of blood next to the door. No matter how regular this became, it never ceased to surprise her. There were no inhabitants on this side of the island and it was a good distance from where most of the islanders live. Surely she would hear them or see them arrive by boat…but she didn't.

"The islanders have lived her for thousands of years and have designed systems of transport that would make your head spin," Stefan says to her appearing behind her. She turns at his voice.

He takes her hands and using a soft cloth, cleans her cuts with the hydrogen peroxide he found in a first aid kit Elena carried in her bag. He moves to her legs and makes quick work of the cleaning.

"Thanks," Elena offers when Stefan finishes. He stands up, gives her a quick nod and walks away. She finds herself fighting back the tears that threatened to fall at how gentle, how Stefan-like he was just then.

The days go on mostly the same. Elena crashes from exhaustion and finds Stefan sharing her bed albeit apart from her except for the way his feet touch hers.

And though she was practically in a deep sleep she swears that she felt their bodies were moving together. Like the sleep sex they used to have after Elena would unconsciously move on top of Stefan and grind against him until they both came. He would happily tell her about it the next morning, after they finished having real sex, but she would look so mortified and embarrassed, he stopped talking about it. Of course, Elena assumed it meant that she had gotten control over it; Stefan just wanted her not to feel embarrassed.

But now he's gone by the time she wakes. And they move around each other, occasionally talking, but mostly just silent. She finds solace in journaling. At night, she pulls her sweater over her in the house as she writes by candlelight. During the day, she'll be sitting outside of the adobe walls writing and keeping a keen eye on Stefan as he sits on the peaks of the mountains that overlook the lake.

When he comes back to the house today she sits and watches him. His eyes seem vacant. His body seems to move of its own accord and then he just collapses.

Elena jumps up quickly and runs over to Stefan. She initially thinks it is from him not eating but when she reaches him she sees it is more than that.

He has given up. It's day seven and the impact of his actions are ever upon him, He has failed himself and her and their family and the person who fought so hard to become is lost.

Stefan does not cry; he does not react to her touch. How do you reach for someone when they've decided they are not worth the effort? How do you connect? The words come before she realizes what she is saying.

"The first day I met you I was convinced I was dead inside. Every time I would glance into a mirror I would see this girl who was dead. Her parents were dead and the person she used to be buried with them. And I just…the guilt…I just…but I put one foot in front of the other and gave my best impression of a living girl, of a dutiful niece and sister and best friend. And one day I'm coming out of the men's bathroom and I bump into you and it's the first connection I made with another person in four months. I stare at the most beautiful person I have ever seen and…And I feel alive for a moment—not long, just a moment. And I can't stop looking at you and you can't stop looking at me and somehow I walk away and then you find me in the graveyard-the place where no one else thinks to look. And it makes sense to me why I'm there because that's where dead people live and you talk to me with gentleness and you make me smile and I don't know you but I want to talk to you forever and you disappear and I tell myself you were never really there and then you're at my doorstep-like I willed you there and you tell me you journal and this is too good to be true and why can't I stop staring at you and I start to question if I'm really alive or if it's just the last glimmers of life left before I disappear and then you come to me at the bonfire and you know my secret and you accept my sadness without judgment or advice to help me get over it. You tell me I won't be sad forever and you let me share my feelings over why I ended things with Matt and I hear my heartbeat again."

As she talks, she pulls his head to her lap and finds a sharp rock near them. Cutting the flesh of her palm with practiced ease, she places it over Stefan's mouth and encourages him to drink. He doesn't fight her although she senses his shame. They would deal with that later though; for now, she needs him to eat. Once he's done feeding from her, she opens the jar of blood and moves it to his mouth to drink. She never thought that feeding her lover blood from her own body and from a jar would ever be this edifying or natural for her, but it was.

"And then later when you come to me again and you're inside my house and we talk until sunrise about books and movies and sadness and beautiful things, I know I'm not dead. I know you brought me back to life. I know I love you."

She looks over at him as he rests on her lap and sees he has fallen asleep. She would never move him from her lap—any touch between them is precious to her now—so she covers him with a blanket and leans her back against the wall allowing sleep to take them both as she strokes his hair.

This begat a new set of rituals added to their days. Elena would feed him and tell him how much he meant to her. Stefan listened to her words grateful for the reprieve from the voices in his head constantly reminding him how much he hates himself and how he is and always will be a monster. Many of the things Elena shared were words he had heard before but there were still things, new things that she was sharing with him that made him pay attention. Like how heartbroken she was when he walked away from her the night he saved Bonnie from Damon. How happy she was when he came to her when she told him she loved him. The day she realized he was her best friend. The moment she realized she would fight for him without question. The moment all of him-the parts he tried to hide, the parts he showed her, all of him. The moment she realized he loved her.

The tenth day on the island, Elena awoke to Stefan's screams. She looked over to the opposite side of the bed and found him sitting up screaming into nothingness. Carefully she placed her hand on his chest to soothe him but as soon as she did, he looked at her, eyes full of rage and bloodshot red and shot out of bed.

She threw on her boots and ran off to find him. She heard him before she saw him. He sat in the corner that had become their hiding place these last few days. "Lena I'm so tired. I know you want me to be better. But I'm so tired. And the things I've done are haunting me. I can't fight them off. I can't. You should go back. I wanted to love you well and I failed."

She doesn't respond to what he says for a while. She just watches the tears roll down his face. "Stefan, I told you. I'm here with you as long as it takes. Tell me about the people who are haunting you."

"Elena I can't. I can't."

She kneels down next to him and takes his face in her hands so that he can look into her eyes. "Shh Stefan. It's okay. Tell me."

And he does. He tells her of the random passers-by he's killed in the last few weeks as well as the young dinner party she caught him preparing for the night she found him in Panama. He told her of the missions Klaus would use to test his loyalty and the ways they were always set up for Stefan to lose. The shame and guilt mixed in with the pleasure and satisfaction of his actions washed over him and her.

"So now you see why I'm not worth saving. Why I failed? Why you're wasting your time here on this island with me?"

"I see why you think that. Stefan, I'm not naïve. I know what vampires do to survive. I know that neither of our lives are a fairytale. And I know what I signed up for when I chose to be with you. I chose the person who saved my life. I chose the person who I could trust to protect my family and my friends without question or second thoughts. I chose the person who when there were no other options, was willing to die for my aunt. The person who wouldn't let me die alone when Klaus killed me. The person who was the last I saw when I lost consciousness. The person whose love I could feel with me always. The person who willingly gave up every drop of happiness and love to save his brother from death. Stefan that was YOU. That _is_ you. I will never give up on you because you would never give up on me. Don't you see? I cannot do this without you. I will love you when you're evil and when you're good. I will love you-YOU Stefan—because you and me are bigger than ourselves now. You and me are a family. And I could no more not love you or not want to spend my life with you than I could not love my brother. It's just the way it is baby. What you did was horrible Stefan. I hate what Klaus forced you to do and I hope that he rots in whatever hell Elijah has sentenced him to for eternity. I hate that you enjoyed it. But Stefan, Stefan…that can't change how I feel about you."

"Elena we've been here before."

"You're right. You fell under the spell of the blood before because you were trying to save my life and I forced you to drink just like Klaus did so you could save Damon. You made a deal to protect your brother at any cost. But Stefan, what about those you've killed? What do you think they want? Death would be too easy. If you really want to make their deaths worth something? Don't give up. Fight for it. Let their deaths not be in vain."

She has said enough. She kisses his cheek and rises to her feet. With one last glance at Stefan, Elena walks away and crawls into bed. She lies on her side the tears streaming down her face. She knows that he had to do this part alone and she had to respect the choice he made. No matter how much it scared her that he could make the wrong one.

She doesn't know how much time has passed as she drifted in and out of consciousness as exhaustion overtook her desire to stand vigil and wait for him. But she feels the dip in the mattress and knows she has persuaded him to fight for at least one more day.

To be continued….


	3. Chapter 3

_"Here's what is going to happen. I read your journals. I know Lexi left you here to sober up by yourself but that doesn't work for me. So, I'm going to help you and then we're going home. However long it takes. Got it?"_

_3 days later, the blood is out of his system._

_5 days later, the depression is upon him._

_10 days later, he breaks down._

_12 days later, he hugs her back._

The next few days between them is tenuous at best and awkward at worst. It seemed that they had come to some sort of agreement that Stefan would attempt to heal and Elena would be there to encourage him—maybe not always up close, maybe at a distance, and for now, without touching him, but at least whether or not she would stay on the island with him was no longer a point of debate.

The days went on and a routine had even been put into place. They would wake early and after breakfast, go to separate places in the house and write in their journals. At some point in the day one of them (usually Elena) would find the other and they'd sit together. Sometimes they talked about things. Stefan would tell her the history of the Amantani Islands. How the islanders, the Aimara, live as farmers and weavers. As he spoke, her heart would ache to touch him, to look in his eyes, to lean her forehead against his, but she knew he wasn't ready so she buried her need deep down and prayed that he'd thaw sooner than later.

While Stefan spent time alone trying to regather the parts of himself he lost, Elena needed a project to work on, something that could lead to a concrete, measurable goal. She needed something to help get her through the simultaneous loneliness and presence that being with Stefan presented for her. She set her gaze upon meeting people. Elena put her extra attention on meeting the islanders who delivered their food. Every day she sat by the opening of their adobe house and waited. As if under a spell, Elena would regularly fall asleep in her watch position just around the time their provisions were delivered. If she didn't fall asleep then it was inevitable that her mind would take her on a trip and she'd be so caught up in memories that she would never notice the old woman and man who dropped food off at her feet.

One night as she and Stefan sat near Lake Titicaca, feeling the chill in the air as they looked at the water and the stars and tried not to notice how romantic the setting felt or how much they longed for the other, she talked to him about her inability to meet the Amantani villagers.

"Things work differently here. They will allow you to meet them in time," he replied with as much sincerity as he could muster.

"I just want to say thank you for how they've helped us," Elena responded making the first eye contact with him she had all day.

"To them, they are repaying a debt that will last infinitely. There is no need to thank them."

"What do you mean a debt that lasts infinitely? How can that be?"

Stefan looks at her. "Because I'm immortal. And they believe they owe me."

"What? How? When? Was this in 1917?" Elena asks the need for clarity showing on her face.

Stefan only nods in response. This was a story that would be for later.

He looks out at the water and before he can catch himself, he's confiding in her. "I uh….I keep having nightmares. I play the day I left you and Damon in my head over and over again trying to figure out if there was a different way."

Elena looks at him and tries to conceal her excitement that he's talking to her about what is happening inside him. She had noticed how tightly he gripped her during sleep—the only time they could touch mostly due to their unconsciousness being unable to not touch—and how often he shot straight up in bed after a bad dream. Now that he was finally sharing his fears with her, she tried to burrow her heart in a safe place while allowing a little hope to flourish.

Still, she tried to measure her breathing and measure her response.

The best she could come up with is "And? Was there a different way?"

Stefan shook his head. "No. If I told you what I planned you would have never let me go alone which would have endangered you. If I walked out on Klaus's deal, assuming he would have even let me go-which I doubt-Damon would be dead. Klaus had more time to strategize, more time to plan based on how much he knew about me. There was nothing else I could do."

Elena listened to Stefan's rationale and involuntarily shivered at the idea of Damon dying. Once her brain shifted from Damon's near death to trying to find and rescue Stefan, she surprisingly hadn't given much thought to the eldest Salvatore. She was grateful that Katherine brought the antidote that saved him but when she thought about the price paid for it, she vacillated between fury and pride in and for Stefan.

And then she remembered that comment Katherine made about loving both of them, which shook her out of solace with Damon and put her squarely in panic mode for Stefan. She would never forget how Katherine's words shook her—not because what she said was true but because all the while she was caring for Damon, she hadn't allowed herself to really even considered the lengths Stefan would go to save his brother. There was definitely dissonance between her heart so completely trusting Stefan to do what he said he would and her mind not allowing her to think of the repercussions of his actions.

It never mattered how much time passed—she doubted she could forgive herself for taking so much for granted.

And there was the matter of the kiss. She would tell him about it once he made more strides in his recovery. She would. And she would just have to trust that he could forgive her for it.

Placing her thoughts back in the rigidly compartmentalized areas of her mind, she responded to his thoughts. "You're right, Stefan. There was nothing else you could have done. Your goal was to save your brother regardless of the price and for that, there was no alternative. I just—I wish," and she stopped mid-thought, her mind racing.

"You just wished what?" Stefan asked curiously watching her fidget.

She took a deep breath, trying to clear her mind so she could clearly explain herself.

"I just wish I had listened to what you told me more carefully. I just wish that when you said you were going to see Klaus on Damon's behalf that I had asked more questions. I wish that I would have forced you to take me with you. (sighs) You're not the only one who replays that day over and over again wanting to fix things Stefan. I should have been there with you. I should have fought with you. We should have come up with a plan for me to leave Damon with Alaric and come find you and help you. Then you wouldn't have had to suffer alone."

Elena's breath caught at that last thought. "That's the part that I will never forgive myself for. I left you there, struggling with your addiction and fighting for your brother all alone. I was with Damon but I should have been with you. When I think of what you went through that night, I…" and she trailed off trying to keep herself from crying.

"There was nothing you could have done differently. I sent you to Damon so you could help him. He needed you. I knew you'd be safer there than with me."

Elena considered his words and for the first time realized what he meant. She understood that he knew it was likely that he may not have returned to her or Damon.

The fury.

She pulled her hair behind her ears trying to get control of her anger. Rather than have it out with him at that moment, she opted to move away from him. Elena tried to take deep breaths but every time her mind flashed to the night in Damon's room, her fury burned anew.

Turning to look at him, "YOU needed me, Stefan. YOU. I thought we settled long ago that as much as I care about Damon—and I truly do—I love you. I thought you knew that I will always choose you. That regardless of how Damon feels about me, or how you believe he feels about me, that that has never changed the way I feel about you. I thought you knew that Stefan." The way she said his name made him look up at her but still said nothing.

"But you never understood that did you? Because if you understood that then why did you expect me to forget that I loved you and love Damon just because he was near death? I was worried for him and I wanted him to live because I believe that he can be a good person, same as you. But I DO NOT LOVE HIM, Stefan."

She felt her heart failing her as she became suddenly desperate for him to understand what she meant. "Do you believe me Stefan? Oh my God, I didn't call you or text you because I trusted that once you figured things out you would call me. I trusted that you could handle it. I was in such a hurry to get to Damon like you asked me to that I didn't stop and think how you would convince Klaus to give you the antidote. I never…I never thought. And now, here we are."

"I knew that I was willing to give my life for my brother. I knew that if I did that and he lived that he would take care of you and love you. That's what I knew. He's the only person in the world that I trust—rightly or wrongly. But I do. And I trust him with what I loved the most."

He doesn't have to state what that is. His admission sent her all the way over the ledge into reckless anger. "But that's the problem Stefan! We are a team. You and me. I need to protect you as much as you protect me. I needed to be there with you. But you had already settled that I wouldn't be yours any longer. Who's the martyr now Stefan? You may have lived 162 years but you still can't let someone love you just for you!"

She stomped off toward the adobe house still feeling stoic as the anger coursed through her veins and shielded her from the heartbreak she faced anew. Yet, the stoicism was temporary because little by little she felt her resilience fade with every new breath and allowed herself to consider that Stefan might never really truly believe her feelings for him were true.

Before she knew it, she felt his hand gently hover over her shoulder. Stefan was afraid to touch her at all. Afraid that he would be too weak to fight off the cravings for her blood. Afraid that she would see and know him at his weakest point.

"I believe you," is all he says.

"Then what is it? You don't trust me?"

"I don't…I…It's hard to explain."

"Listen to me Stefan. I am not a thing to be shared between you and your brother. I am not Katherine. I chose to be with you. But if you can't see our relationship as anything other than an extension of the relationship you have with your brother then we really are wasting time."

"You're right. It's just…sometimes I feel like I owe him so much for what I did to him. Especially happiness. I owe him that. So much that I..."'

"But I'm not your prize that you can throw in his direction to make yourself feel better Stefan. It doesn't work that way."

They were at an impasse. Elena turned to face him, Stefan's hand still in the air considering whether or not to allow himself the indulgence of touching her.

Elena takes the chance and slowly and carefully touches his face. It is the first time they consciously touch each other (not counting the times they've bounded up in each other during sleep) since Panama.

At the touch, Stefan's eyes close. Her hands felt soft against his skin. He had forgotten how her touch could calm him. Fighting against leaning into it, he forced himself to stay still.

Elena kept her eyes trained on his face and his reaction told her all she needed. "At the end of the day Stefan, no matter what we go through, this is what matters. This is why I could not let you go off into the darkness without a fight. I hope you'll be able to see that."

She willed herself to pull her hand away from his face. "I'm going to go find out what we're having for dinner," she said without enthusiasm or real interest. Walking away from him was something she could never get used to.

The next morning, Stefan, who for the first time since they had arrived on Amantani Island, slept in a different room than Elena to give them both space to think, woke early and sat by her bedside watching her sleep. Gazing at her carefully, he saw the fatigue that caused the dark circles under her eyes and the frown that never left her mouth as she slept. Before, Elena always had the most pleasant sleeping face. She even smiled. But now, she looked sad, worried and maybe even afraid. He also noticed how much thinner she was.

He looked at her hair and ached to move his fingers through it. Ached to smell her. To touch her. His resolve weakened with every moment.

As if she could read his thoughts, Elena stirred and the first thing she saw as she opened her eyes was Stefan, looking at her with that fight or flight panic in his eyes. Without thinking about it, she reached for his hand to calm him.

"It's okay, Stefan. Did you have a bad dream? What's wrong?" she asked, her alertness developing quicker and quicker with her worry.

He continued to look at her as if he were debating something in his mind. She tried to prepare herself for yet another round of him insisting that she leave the island.

"Would you mind getting dressed? I want to take you someplace."

Elena nodded at his request and quickly hopped out of bed and threw clothes on. She tied her hair in a high ponytail as she slid on her boots.

"Where are we going, Stefan?"

"Trust me?"

She gave him a small smile that spoke volumes. They walk out of the adobe house and down the beach to a small corner of their island. They walked to an isthmus of sorts that held a small boat that Stefan helped Elena into. Once he jumped onboard, he maneuvered himself to row.

He rowed while Elena looked at the beauty of the mountains on Amantani and the glorious blue waters of Lake Titicaca. She let her fingers touch the cold water and reveled in how wondrous this experience could be. Neither spoke to the other, both focused on their thoughts.

Stefan continued to row, allowing his mind to flash back to 1917 and how different he was compared to then. How alone and isolated he felt as compared to now when he had the woman he loved with him. A woman who refused to be anywhere else.

"Lexi had friends who had visited this island in the 1700s and told of its beauty and the kindness of its inhabitants. So after I did what I did to that village, as soon as she heard about it, she knocked me unconscious and we set sail for Peru. It took months for us to arrive and when we arrived in Puno, it took 3 hours more to get us to the adobe house. I was so angry at Lexi for dragging me off like she did. But she was older and stronger than me so it was pointless to fight. I had traveled some but never to a place as remote as this. Lexi stayed for two days and told me to get myself together or else she'd stake me for what I had done. I begged her not to leave me here alone but she did."

Listening intently and carefully so she could absorb and understand every single detail, Elena sat quietly and waited for him to continue.

"It was hell on earth at first. I-felt worse than dead for the first months. Just me and my thoughts and my guilt to keep me company. I wrote in my journals and tried to make it all make sense but…it just never came. Meanwhile the islanders were making sure I fed without me ever seeing them. Eventually, I settled down and tried to use the isolation as a way to deal with the demons that raged inside me. That took some months as well."

Pulling into a dock, Stefan anchored their little boat and helped Elena out and onto the stone steps. "After six months, I walked out of the adobe house and saw a boat waiting for me. I rowed and rowed until I got to the other side of the island. And that's when I found this." She was looking at him with her back turned the entire time so it wasn't until he turned her around that she saw the real beauty of the islands.

"Stefan, this is so beautiful."

He gave her a small smile. "This is the living side of the islands. Come on, I want to take you someplace."

"There's more?"

"You'll see."

They walked into the town and watched the village women gather their sheep and the children playing along the sidewalks. They walked in the direction of a steep hill, with men guiding their llamas and beautiful woven tapestries and fabrics lining the walkway of the stone road they followed. Higher and higher they climbed, occasionally meeting people along the way. The altitude shifted a bit too much for Elena, so Stefan had to carry her on his back for a good ways of the trip. Neither of them tried to think too much about this act although it meant everything to both of them.

And then he let her climb down when they reached their destination. "You'll want to walk through the arches yourself."

"Stefan, where are we?" Elena asked as her eyes took in the arid, hilly beauty of where she stood. A large stone house stood in the center but they were surrounded by mountains and the lake and the beauty made her lightheaded.

"Pachamama. The Andes goddess of fertility's temple," he replied with a smile in his voice.

He takes her hand (it was getting easier and easier to touch her) and walks her over to one of the lookout points close to the lake.

He looks at her. "I'll be right back." And before she knows it, he's disappeared and reappeared.

"I will never get used to that," she tells him as he returns to her with one of the beautiful blankets, two cups of coffee and some Peruvian doughnuts. He hands her the coffee and snacks as he lays the blanket on the ground for them to sit. She looks at him with a smile that he is convinced she only shows him.

"I could stay here forever. This is perfect, Stefan."

"I came here many times. She's the goddess of fertility but I never thought of it as just about producing children. I thought about it as the very center of life. I came here so that the goddess could make me alive. And she did. She did."

Elena just looked at him as he spoke and shared these small details of his life with her. She too had been looking for life—long before Stefan appeared at her school.

"That's what I want," she said in a whisper. "I want to be alive as well."  
>"Elena, you are more alive than most of the people I've ever met. And there's so much more to live out for you. That's why I wanted you to leave me here."<p>

Elena shook her head. She began to start in again on her feelings for Stefan but she stopped herself. The truth was, she could say how she felt about him until she was blue in the face and it wouldn't be true to Stefan until he allowed it. Instead, she chose a different tactic: silence. She gently placed her hand on his shoulder and just sat with him. She looked off into the distance and her breath caught at how precious this moment was for her.

That she almost lost this man to the darkness; that she had found him just in time and brought him to this place where they could both heal—that she could touch him when almost two weeks before he had been so cruel to her and almost two weeks before that she didn't know if she'd see him again.

All of her emotions that she fought to control so she could stay strong for Stefan emerged and overwhelmed her. The tears came without her approval and the grief and relief and fear and hope all found their way out of the places she buried them. She held onto Stefan as she sobbed and cried and doubled over in emotional upheaval.

Stefan tried to be stoic and unmoved by Elena's breakdown. But his body overrided his mental wishes and something like muscle memory kicked in, bringing his arms around her and holding her. "Shhhh…it's okay. It's okay," he whispered into her hair, rocking her and trying to soothe her.

She didn't question the way she involuntarily clung to Stefan or the way she breathed him in. She didn't question how quickly she molded her body to his or comforted and at peace she felt when she moved into his lap and let him rock her.

It was only when she woke hours later that she realized what had happened between them. The gulf of distance between them had in a moment been destroyed and the connection between them was stronger than ever.

She knew it from the way his arms enveloped her as they lie together on the blanket. That was how they used to find themselves when they woke up in the mornings. Even on nights when they went to bed mad with each other, it never failed that at some point in the night they would move themselves into this position.

Stefan felt her body shift from sleep to wakefulness and sensed the serenity that surrounded them. Somewhere during the middle of her breakdown, fatigue had overwhelmed Elena to such a degree that she began to doze. Stefan moved her to a lying position on the blanket but she kept her hands around his, refusing to let go. Lying with her was his only option. But as soon as he did, as soon as he gave in, he felt more peace than he had in years.

And he felt like although he didn't deserve it and although there would be tough times still ahead for them, that the goddess heard their prayers.

After Elena's eyes opened and she felt the security of his arms around her, she knew that the goddess of fertility had answered her prayers.

Neither speaking, they watched the sunset—the most beautiful sunset from their perch on the hill of Pachamama. Elena never looked at Stefan as she grabbed his hands and kissed them and Stefan never said a word as he held her even tighter or breathed in her scent.

They felt alive again.

To Be Continued…


	4. Chapter 4

_14 days later, he tells her he loves her, begs her forgiveness, and they both cry when they make love._

The walk down the hill from Pachamama was quiet. As comfortable as Stefan and Elena were with one another after their time together on the hill, these were also new circumstances. The reality was that as much as she had been fighting for him to reclaim his humanity, she was dealing with someone who killed people—no, that was too euphemistic—someone who massacred people. Massacred them for sport and pleasure—and reconstructing their bodies in guilt. Nevertheless, Elena still loved him something fierce and what they shared together on the hill definitely was a new turning point for them. She felt more renewed and more committed to him than ever. And yet, the residue of his actions as ripper still circled the margins of her mind.

Stefan too struggled with the newness of their relationship. Elena had taken a big step with him on the hill. The silent promises they made to each other while watching the sunset overwhelmed his senses and pushed all the guilt and shame to the fore. He had tried for weeks now to try to turn Elena against him. How could she still choose to be with him after knowing what he had done after learning who he (really) was. The bloodlust was always there, tempting him, teasing him, making him salivate when he least expected it. But he had developed strategies to help him cope with his desire.

Now he not only had to re-learn those strategies but also establish new boundaries. And there was the small matter of still needing human blood to keep him strong enough to ward off enemies who sought to come after his little family. No, no, he told himself for now. They would cross that bridge (if there was a bridge to cross in fact) when they came to it.

Meanwhile the pair walked side by side, neither sure of the other, neither certain of the acceptable and appropriate proximity to each other. But their bodies ached to be close. When their shoulders grazed while walking, it felt like they were still on the same page, knowing what the other would do without thought or consideration.

Once they made it back to the main part of the island, they were greeted by the music. The pulsating rhythms of the bongos and the percussion turned Amantani into a parade. Ladies in their full dress regalia and men in towering top hats danced in the streets. After awhile the parade began to move toward one of the houses.

"Stefan, what's happening"? Elena asked.

"It's a house party. Come on," and he took her hand pulling her along with him into the run to catch up with the music. Neither made mention of the contact although that little touch shocked both their systems.

Once they arrived at the house, the party was in full swing. The islanders were pulling each other along in a long chain, skipping to the music. Without realizing it, one of them pulled Stefan (and by extension, Elena) into the dance. They skipped along the dance line following the others in front and behind them to the music, so overwhelmed they found it hard not to laugh or to smile. At one point, Elena leaned her head back laughing and simultaneously crying tears of relief. This is what she had been missing—fun, joy, and laughter.

And Stefan. Of course she had missed him too.

When she looked over at Stefan and saw him watching her with that look he gave her while trying to memorize her face, she wasn't magically freed from her earlier trepidations and worries but she was able to see him, the boy she fell in love with all those months ago. She saw the love he had for her and the fear and worry and maybe even a dash of hope? There was a lot they were going to have to deal with as a result of all this fallout—their relationship notwithstanding—yet, the core of him still drew her.

And then like some cheesy scene from a movie, everything slowed down except her heartbeat. He made a decision just that quick. And it was like magic how suddenly Stefan grabbed her and moved them out of the line and against one of the beams in a corner of the low lit adobe house.

They just breathed and watched one another for any sign of doubt or uncertainty. Stefan's arm holding the wall was raised above Elena effectively pinning her to the spot that held them in place. Usually Elena would wait for Stefan to make the move but she couldn't wait for him. It had been too long since they had been this way together.

She tried to be slow and methodical with her actions as she lifted her hand up to meet Stefan's. Their hands intertwined and it still amazed her how well they fit together. Stefan leaned toward Elena constantly hesitating and, per usual, Elena pulled him toward her with her free hand and kissed him. The kiss claimed them both, starting calm and within moments, full tilt with teeth clashing and mouths and tongues dueling for dominance. Their intertwined hands above them stayed put but their bodies were pressed into one another that suggested there would be more to come. Elena's hips connected with Stefan's and she pushed against him, holding him against her as they clandestinely grinded together. The music still playing, the rhythms and the beats just pushed the lovers even farther off the edge.

At the moment Elena gasped and moaned, they regained some sanity and remembered that they were not alone but in a very public place. They broke apart, Stefan grateful that he was able to maintain some necessary self-control.

"Stefan, we need to go," Elena said trying to simmer down enough to walk and endure the long boat ride back to their home. Wordlessly, he pulls her with him as they leave the house and walk out onto the streets of Amantani. Every couple of feet he would pull her over to him and kiss her like he was discovering her for the first time. Like this was their first time. And every kiss got deeper. And more difficult to pull away from.

Nearing the dock that housed their boat, they bumped into a woman walking aimlessly in the street. Stefan, speaking to her in Quechua, asked her to pardon them as they passed her. The woman looked at them and smiled. She spoke to Elena in Quechua.

Elena smiled the uncertain smile of someone who didn't speak the language looking at Stefan with the hope he would translate for her. He just smiled.

"She says we're beautiful and it is as it was meant to be and to not be afraid of what is to come. I am different from you and her but that is why you see me. We are tied to each other and that is the blessing and the curse."

Elena looks between the two of them and the tears in her eyes emerge without her permission.

He listens to her last line and hesitates to say it but the woman urges him on. "Free yourself and tell him what you've hidden." The lady touches them both and kisses them and moves along.

Elena is frozen to the spot, absorbing all that this woman shared with them. The last line especially shook her. She knew what it was that she had hidden and she knew that she had to tell Stefan (she technically had told him when she came to rescue him in Panama but she figured that he chalked it up to manipulation).

She knew that until she confessed they would never be fully reclaimed.

She knew that she had to tell him about Damon. And the kiss.

Stefan said nothing. He made no move to push her to talk or to move in the direction of the boat they were all too anxious to board not minutes prior.

"Stefan. I…I…I kissed Damon."

His face does not change. It is a countenance set in determination; but his eyes showed his pain.

"Let's go home." And he turned and walked toward the boat not waiting to see if she was following him.

The boat ride returned them back to quiet and awkward. Elena wanted to explain so much and yet Stefan's demeanor suggested he wasn't ready to hear.

Arriving back on their side of the island, Stefan anchored the boat in front instead of in the isthmus. He figured there would be more trips in the future for one reason or another.

Elena followed him into the house and watched as he lit the candles that gave them light. In another context, if they had never bumped into that woman, this would be romantic.

"Stefan, I need to talk to you about this. I need you to listen to me."

"You told me this in Panama, Elena," Stefan says coolly. A little too calm if the pain in his eyes was any indication.

So he did remember. Of course he did. Elena tries to calm the desperation that is threatening to emerge in her voice. She breathes and prepares herself. "But I need to explain. I can explain." She walks over to him and waits for him to finish lighting the last candle so that he can face her.

He finally turns to look and she sees the hurt and the flickers of anger in his green eyes.

"I really thought Damon was going to die, Stefan. And I didn't want him to think that the only person who loved him was you. He told me that he knew you were the one I loved and chose but he told me he loved me anyway and I told him I knew. Stefan, I got caught up in the emotion of the moment and told him something that I'm not sure I believe but I wanted to believe it was true about him because I wanted him to be a wonderful memory."

"That you loved him," Stefan responded with ire.

"No, no, no, no…I told him that I liked him as he was. That was all. I swear. Stefan, I swear."

He moved around her, which made her only more desperate. "I kissed him because of that. And honestly? Because I…I wondered what that would be like. That kiss was loaded with a bunch of things Stefan but the one thing it never did was confuse how I felt—how I feel—about you. I never lost sight of you. You were first. You are first. I.."

"What was all this about you needing me to believe you loved me and not Damon? All the words and the anger when I told you I left you with him so he could love you and you could love him. You were enraged. But all I did was pick up on what was already there."

Elena felt her desperation meld with that Petrova fire. "No Stefan. That—Those are two different things. I kissed Damon, yes. But I…not once did I think he could replace you. I never wanted him to be you. Please listen Stefan. I didn't know where you were. I didn't think about what you would have to do to persuade Klaus to give you the cure. If I'm honest, I don't think I really believed you would succeed. All I knew was that Damon was dying and I was going to be the only one to watch it and I didn't want him to die thinking no one cared!"

"That is so wonderful of you, Elena but while you were consoling him, I was alone, surrendering my humanity so I could save his life!"  
>"Stefan, I didn't know! I didn't know what you were doing. I'm so sorry. I'll be sorry for the rest of my life that I didn't stop you or go with you or help you! But you know what? You weren't thinking about me either. You didn't tell me you planned a suicide mission. You didn't say goodbye. You were just going to give me up so Damon could have me—because it seems that what I want means nothing to you or Damon-and you could just go on being Klaus's muscle. You checked me off your to-do list, Stefan. And if I hadn't come after you, then what? I'd just be the prize for Damon. You're not the only one here who feels abandoned Stefan."<p>

Her words slowly killed his anger and replaced it with anguish. "Elena, he's my brother."

She finally saw her way into fixing this. "I know he's your brother. I'm not asking you to choose Stefan. I never would. I would do the same for my brother. I DID choose to hand myself over to Klaus so that I could protect everyone I loved, remember? But I included you in every decision I made. And when the time came, you didn't let me die alone. Why wouldn't you let me do the same for you? I just…we are a team. You and me. And you left me out of something that changed you and I don't know how to…get over that."

Stefan looked at her and felt his heart break. He turned to walk out of the house when Elena grabbed him and held onto his shoulders. He could feel the hot tears land on the arm of his shirt.

"Please don't go Stefan. Please. I love you." She grips his arms and tries to caress his cheek. "I love you. YOU."

"You shouldn't love me. I never wanted this for you. You were right to…"

She moved around to face him and touched his eyebrow and his cheek. Her voice clouded with emotion. "Shhhhhh…no. I don't know if I should or shouldn't love you Stefan. Bu it's not something I can shut off. I love you. I want to be with you. That's why I'm here. (whispers) That's why I'm here. You and Jeremy and the girls and Damon are all I have left. I am not going to lose you. And I made a mistake. I made so many mistakes. And I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry. I never wanted you to see me like this. I never wanted you to know that part of me. I never wanted you to stop believing in me."

"I never have. Honey, I do believe in you." She gets closer to him, they're lips nearly touching. "I do believe," she whispers into his mouth.

The heat of the kiss strikes them once again and with tears still falling down both their faces, they begin to try to heal each other. Stefan pushes her to a wall and kisses her neck and collarbone. She slides his jacket off and tries to lift up his t-shirt. He backs away enough to let her pull it over his head but as soon as she's thrown it to the floor, he's back nuzzling her neck and she's grasping for every piece of skin on his chest and back that she can reach.

The moments blur together with only the sound of the tide against the beach and their breathing in their ears. In one moment, he's pulling Elena's sweater and t-shirt off; in another she's launching herself to his body and wrapping her legs around Stefan's waist. In the blink of an eye, her bra's gone and her jeans and his jeans are all on the floor and they're still kissing. Kissing like breathing; involuntary and vital to their survival. She holds on to him with all her strength, wanting to imbue him with whatever strength she has. And he pushes back against her wanting her to have his.

He moves them around their small adobe house and places her gently on the bed. Stefan tries to pull back from her but she won't let him go. Elena is constantly reaching for him and grabbing hold to whatever flesh she can find. Stefan kisses her neck and continues his trek down her body, kissing her taut stomach and watching as she mewled in delight. Moving further down he got hold of the waistband of her panties and slid them down achingly slow. Eyes closed and mouth open from moaning, Elena tried to nudge Stefan to continue with her feet. She slid her toes along his shoulders and chest as far down as she could get, watching Stefan grasp for air. He caught her foot and kissed the calf and ankle. And then he bent down toward her center and began to tease her there.

Stefan held her legs apart so that he could gain better access. He tried to not think about how she tasted or how her body responded to him—he didn't want to waste an opportunity by overthinking. By the time she was so over the edge she was on the verge of crying and yelling in pleasure, it became almost unthinkable for Stefan to not be inside her. He leaned up and over her body kissing and muzzling her moans and her breath as he rubbed his lower half against her. Elena's breath constantly caught as he grinded against her. Elena reached down and stroked him and watched his eyes roll back.

"Does that feel good Stefan? Do you like when I touch you there?" Stefan, so turned out by her talk, felt harder as she spoke only able to nod his head.

Moving her again to lie on her side, he mimicked her posture and pulled her over to him, kissing her passionately. She wrapped her feelings about him in one fell swoop, wrapping her legs around him and watching as he effortlessly slid into her. Elena gasped and closed her eyes while Stefan watched the emotions overtaking her face. Stefan waited before moving against her. Elena's eyes opened and watched him. She leaned her forehead against his and whispered to him, "You and me, Stefan. You and me."

She kissed him so gently, but with so much purpose behind it that he felt his heart ache. He kisses her more and thrusts into her which rewards him with a moan from Elena. His kisses muzzle the sound but her eyes open and the intensity of her gaze is overwhelming. The thrusts are shallow initially but as she pushes back against him they deepen and his hands are in her hair and her hands are on his shoulders and their breathing gets so heavy and he reaches down between them and gently touches her in tandem with his thrusts and she wails. He finds the spot that decimates her and he thrusts there faster and faster, groaning himself. Her first orgasm comes unexpectedly and hits her so hard she involuntarily clenches him inside her, which forces him to stop moving because he would come too. He wants this to last awhile so he grinds his teeth and lets her shake and moan his name. Once she's calmed and her legs lose their grip, he moves them over so he is on top and begins thrusting again, sure and steady.

Both sweaty, hair matted, with their sheets strewn over the floor and bathed in the candlelight that still flickers in the lamp next to their bed, they continued to make love and try to fuse themselves together. Elena reached up and touched his face as they moved. Stefan smiled at her.

"You're staring," he whispered.

"I'm…(sighs)…I'm gazing," she whispered back.

"It's (kisses her and thrusts hard into her) creepy."

"God, Oh God. It's romantic," she arches her back and neck up fighting to stay with him and not just explode.

He knows how close she is and knows he's not far behind her so he moves faster and faster against her. Elena loses the rhythm that they've set and falters but Stefan pushes them and she grips his hair, yelling from the strength of her orgasm. Stefan continues to thrust but then she clenches again and this time it does take him over the edge. "Fuck," he groans into her neck, completely frozen by the veracity of the sensations. She let's go of his hair and moves her hands to his ass, pushing him into her as completely as she can, flooding her insides with all of the warmth seeping from him. The aftershocks from that make them come all over again. They kiss, tongues possessing the other, and break apart gifting themselves with the biggest smiles ever. Stefan leaned against Elena's forehead and kissed her.

"I love you so much. That's the only thing I know for sure."

She laughs and her eyes water. "Me too. Me too."

Throughout the night the two reconnect unable to not touch each other for too long. Desperation and need and affirmation that they were in love pushed their bodies to the point of exhaustion.

Elena woke first the next day and found herself completely (and unsurprisingly) entangled in Stefan's body. It's easy for her to just tighten the way her legs are wrapped around his and push into Stefan's already tight hold of her waist. She opts to wake Stefan by nipping at his neck and gently stroking his hair with her fingertips. As if on cue, he growls into her ear.

"Good morning," Elena greeted him with such cheer in her voice as she continued to kiss and nip at his neck.

"Mmmmmm….morning," he responded trying to fight the urge to just pounce on her after her little ministrations. Could there be anything in his life better than this moment where the love of his life and the woman who fought for him all by herself is kissing his neck and grinding herself against him? He doubted it.

"What do you wanna do today," Elena asked, even though she had a pretty good idea of what Stefan's answer would be. "We could go back into town. Or we could go hiking again. Or we could…God…we…we could…"

She is interrupted by Stefan flipping them and taking time to kiss her neck. She is easily distracted by his attentions and forgets that she was even talking.

"Mmmm…how about…we just stay here for awhile and um…hang out? "

Elena just nods her head and lets him pick up where he left off.

Two days have passed by in a blur of limbs and thrusts and sweat. Stefan and Elena just overcame the need to be in close contact with each other which finally gives them the ability to go outside and have quiet time. One night Stefan finds Elena outside the adobe house writing in her journal. He leans down and kisses her hair moving to a sitting position in front of her. She looks up at him and smiles that smile that tells him she is happy to see him and that she loves him. Involuntarily, he takes her hand and intertwines it tightly with his own.

"Hey," he smiles back at her.

"Hi. Can we stay here forever," she asks him.

"I think we'd miss hot water and stoves and microwaves too much to stay here forever."

"Hm. That is true. I've dreamed of hot showers."

"Well, then there's your answer," he laughs.

"But here it's just you and me. No distractions, no barriers except the ones we create. And this is such a beautiful place."

He squeezes her hand tighter. "You can't tell me you don't miss Jeremy or Bonnie or Caroline…Or Damon."

"I do. I do miss them Stefan. But this time with you? I wouldn't trade it for the world." She leans in to kiss him. Sparks fly and the passion ignites again.

Some time later, after they've finished making out, Stefan asked her, "So what's the plan"?

"What plan," Elena asked lying on her side.

"To get back to Mystic Falls. How does that happen?"

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Day 25:

Every time he tried to get her to have the conversation about returning to Mystic Falls she would distract him. Sometimes the distraction was to pull him along for a walk along the beach, sometimes the distraction was to help her tidy up the place they had called home for the last month, sometimes the distraction was her climbing atop him and making up for lost time with her lover. Regardless of the tactic, Elena's desire to not discuss leaving Amantani was always effective.

Not that Stefan minded her pulling him away from the issue they had to confront eventually. Instinctually he knew that they couldn't stay there. He knew that their home was a few thousand miles away. He knew that people depended on them—they had family and friends who needed them. He knew that and yet what he wanted and needed and depended on most in the world was sitting beside him on their bed, her feet spread across his lap as he massaged them and she sighed from contentment.

Neither of them wanted to lose the peace they gained from being here. Neither of them wanted to share the other anymore.

Still, because Stefan always tried to do the right thing he frequently brought it up. And tonight was no different. He massaged her left foot with firm pressure hoping that she would be so relaxed they could talk this out. They didn't have to leave tomorrow but some kind of exit strategy was needing to happen.

She lie on the bed, her elbows holding her up and watched him with half closed eyes. "Mmmmm Stefan. One of your many careers had to have been a masseuse. How are you so good at this?" she asked nearl moaning from the pleasure.

"Actually, no. No masseuse. This is all natural talent, 'Lena."

She just smiled at his faux cocky tone.

"So…have you—"

"Uh uh Stefan. You're about to ruin the moment."

"I was about to do no such thing."

"Yeah, yeah you were. You were about to bring something up that would ruin this absolutely perfect moment of peace and mild sexual tension."

"What I want to talk about doesn't have to diminish either of those things."

"Yep it does. You're a moment ruiner."

"I promise that if the moment is minimally ruined I will fix it. Deal?" She looks over at him and sees how serious he is about keeping this promise.

She sighs again. "Fine. But you owe me a perfectly peaceful sexy moment Stefan. I expect you to keep your word."

"You have my word."

"Fine. Go ahead and ask me."

He wastes no time. "Elena, have you thought about when we should return to Mystic Falls?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

He laughs as he continues to rub her feet. "I asked you first. Have you?"

She breathes, "Of course I have Stefan. Of course. But when we first got here I told you we wouldn't leave until you got better however long that took."

Stefan sets his eyes on her. "Do you think I'm not better?"'

"No you are, you are. Stronger than ever. And I love you more than ever. But I just don't want to rush this whole thing if we don't have to. I want you to feel like you're okay."

"Elena there isn't a guarantee that I won't fall off the wagon again. If you can't trust that I'm okay—"

"That's not what I meant Stefan," she tells him as she moves her legs off his lap and moves her body forward toward him in its place.

He looks at her expectantly waiting for her to tell him what she meant. "I trust you with—with everything I have and am. I do trust you. And I trust that you're so much more on the road to forgiving yourself for what you've done than ever before. I see how you've grown these last few weeks. But I know that you doubt yourself. And I…I just don't want that for you. I want you to know you're okay. And we can stay here until you get that confident."

He caresses her cheek and smiles at her. "'Lena this is not behind me. My desire for blood and hunting and preying on the weak is always there." She looks at him and nods. "And I know you want to protect me but keeping me away from being able to test out my boundaries actually weakens me. I need to have people around me who aren't afraid of me to test out how confidently I am controlling that part of me."

She understands what he says but it's still hard for her to deal with. "I just hate to see you hurt or hated for something that was out of your control. That's all. Here we can be us and that's okay. There it's Stefan the vampire and Elena the doppelganger—such a TRAGIC romance. I like who we are here."

"Yes but Elena I don't want to keep you from living your 's your senior year and graduation and college. And I don't want to keep you from friends and family. This place was always temporary."

"Yeah? Then why does this feel more like a home than I've had since my parents died?"

"Because it's ours. Because we started over here."

She sighs and runs her fingers through his hair. She kneeled over him and massaged his back. She didn't want to talk about this anymore. "Was that enough talk for now?"

"Elena Gilbert are you trying to change the subject?" he asks looking up past her ample bosom positioned squarely within his eye line and actually meeting her eyes that currently twinkled with mischief.

"God, yes. Is it working?" She asks continuing to rub his shoulders as he moved his hands to her waist and adjusted her position on his lap stroking her hips as he moved her against him.

She wasn't the only one in this relationship who was gifted at teasing.

Elena's face showed every bit arousal. That motion reddened her face and made her bite her lip.

Both still fully dressed in sweats and long sleeve t-shirts, they gently grinded against the other trying to see who could hold out the longest. These games never lasted long because eventually one of them would become so frustrated they'd just proceed to rip clothing off. But they were fun for a little while.

"We really need to talk more Elena. I don't want you to stop living your life—." She kisses him hard and rough and bites his lip in response.

"Now you're just trying to ruin the moment to frustrate me," Elena tells him and reaches for the hem of his shirt lifting it off. She places her palms on his chest and moves her hands along his well defined torso. Sometimes her breath caught when she looked at his body.

But she was making a point. And she had a plan. She lifts her own shirt off to reveal that she wasn't wearing a bra and moves Stefan's hands from her waist to her breasts. Arching her shoulders and back, the pleasure of his warm hands on her body took her a moment to process.

"I'm not trying to frustrate you. I just want to make sure—."

And at that point she pushes him back on the bed and lies atop of him skin to skin. Stefan loses his train of thought lost in her body heat and his powerful arousal that threatened to make him fuck her into the mattress.

She slid down his body all the way down to his feet and from the leg, pulled his sweats down and off. He wasn't wearing underwear (as of late the sheer number of daily sexual interludes they had sort of made undergarments irrelevant and inconvenient) and as she gazed up his body she saw how hard he was already. His whole body made her quake and parts of her quiver.

She slid up to his thighs and massaged and kissed them moving slowly and steadily up, up, up until she reached his erection. Stroking him and observing how he watched her, eyes wide open, mouth set in a grin, she knew she was about to win this round. She took him in her mouth, varying her moments between licking and sucking the tip of him.

Stefan remained quiet, content to let the feelings she induced wash all over him. When she fully took him in and began to do all the ministrations she learned that he liked over the last year, he lost the composure he developed. His body moved against its will contracting to the wills of her mouth.

Suddenly, in the midst of her humming, she pulled him out of her mouth and in the best voice she could muster—which was quite raspy given how turned on she was at the moment—she tells him, "So I was thinking about when we should go back home. And I think we should do some traveling first before we return home. I always wanted to see the world with you and I think it could be-."

"What? Oh that's so mean. You're so mean, 'Lena." Stefan laughs and groans simultaneously

"Hmm…what? You said you wanted to talk about it. I'm talking about it." She continues to lightly stroke him even as she teases. She's not [totally] cruel.

"Mmmm Elena…please? Please? Can we get back to where we were?"

"You don't wanna talk? No fun when the moment is ruined huh?" She smiles at him and licks him casually.

"God no. Point taken. Never will ruin a moment again. Don't stop."

Elena laughs at how well this plan worked. "Of course I won't." And she continues to bring him to a climax so strong he nearly breaks the headboard with the force of his orgasm.

She kisses his stomach and chest and sucks on his neck and chin and by the time she gets to his mouth, he's hard again and positioning himself against her yoga pants. His hands on her ass push her impossibly close against him and the shockwaves hit her powerfully.

They're kissing hard and rough tongues intertwined and him still pushing her ass against his groin and she's moaning from the sensory overload.

Finally Stefan pulls down her pants and allows her to wiggle out of them good enough to move his hands to her center and tease her more.

"Stefan, Stefan, please. I can't…"

With a quickness, he turns them so he's on top and slides inside her. She's so wet he slips out and has to readjust himself. He whispers things in her ear as he thrusts and she wraps her legs around his waist wanting him deeper. Her breath is short and his movements are moving her fast and quick to climax.

"Stefan, faster. Faster."

"Shhhh…no I want to do this right, Elena." He grabs hold of her hips and readjusts the tempo to slow down a bit.

He maintains that pace for a long while with intervals of switching up positions until finally neither can hang on any longer and Elena comes so hard she can't stop shaking and Stefan is frozen grunting in the crook of her neck.

He moves to her mouth and kisses her soundly. "How does sex get better each time, Stefan? Honestly, how?"

He laughs. "Imagine what it will be like 5 years from now."

He switches them over and she lies upon his chest warmed by sweat and their bedcovers.

"God I can't even imagine what we'll be like in 5 years."

He nudges her chin up to look at him. "I know this wasn't what you had planned for your future. Sorry to bring it up. I just…when I think about the future all I see is you."

"No apologies necessary Stefan. And I know what I said to you and no this isn't what I planned. In many ways this life, my future, is so much harder." And she nudges his chin up to meet her eyes. "But it's also so much better. You're a part of that you know?"

Stefan nods and moves her hair behind her ears. "I know."

"I know that I love you. I know that you mean the world to me. I know that I don't ever not want to you or be with you. I know that this time with you has made me so grateful for having you with me."

"I don't expect you to promise me forever 'Lena. You are seventeen and I get that. I've just lived enough to know what I want. And I'll wait for you however long it takes."

"That's what I mean. You don't have to wait for me. I'm here. Let's just…let's just take our lives day by day, okay? I feel like the more pressure we put on the future to be what we want it to be, the more it will crush us."

He looks at her and is so impressed by the wisdom this woman possesses—wisdom that came as a byproduct of pain and loss.

"Day by day it is," and he kisses her. "So, did you say something about taking a trip before we go back home?"

She is kissing his chest sweetly and laughs. "Oh you did hear me then? I thought you couldn't understand English based on the way you were reacting."

"I was distracted by some pretty strong activities—you are very good at that by the way—but I heard some of what you said."

She continues to smile at him. "I had lots of practice and instruction. And: what did you think?"

"I think it's a great idea. Let's go. Right now."

Sighs. "Nooo. We need a proper farewell to this island. I'm forever grateful to it for helping me bring you back."

"Fair enough. But we shouldn't stay too much longer. I'll never be able to convince you to leave."

"A week?"

"2 days."

"5 days?"

"3 days."

Sighs. "Fine. 3 days. And then we leave."

"Where do you want to go afterward?"

"Mmmmm….I don't know. What do you recommend aged traveler."

He tickles her a little. "Ageist."

"Cradle robber."

"Ouch, Lolita. Someplace warm?"

"Yes please. Good food. Someplace else you traveled with Lexi."

"These are all good conditions. Italy?"

"I like that. Will you get drunk and dive naked into the Trevi fountain again?"

"How did you know about…the journals?" Elena nods.

"That was a different Stefan. A younger Stefan."

"Oh come on. I'll do it if you will."

"That's a hell of an incentive."

"I have ways of making this happen Stefan. Just say yes."

"Maybe. One day at a time, remember?"

"Hmm. Fine."

The days on Amantani Island are filled with packing and traveling to the mainland to buy souvenirs for their families and Stefan arranging travel on the satellite phone and them visiting Pachamama and toasting her with the islanders in the ritual called challa. They hiked back up to the mountain cliff they climbed what felt like years ago when Stefan was still in his bad place. And at night they would make love determined to make whatever magic this island held sustain them for the future.

On the third day Elena makes one more round through the house to make sure they've left nothing behind. The end of their little protective bubble is about to pop and it scares her a little. The night before they called their family in Mystic Falls and checked in with them. A few issues here and there but mostly things were status quo at home. They told them they'd be home in a week or so. Everyone but Damon seemed happy with that. Both Stefan and Elena figured that would take a moment to fix.

Checking their room once more, Elena sees the photo of them she brought with her from home on the small table next to their bed. Stefan steps behind her placing his hands on her shoulders.

"I left it there for when we return. Makes the place seem more like ours, you know?"

She smiles at his words. "Yeah. I like that."

"You ready? The boat's here. We need to get moving if we're going to make our flight."

Sighs. "I'm ready."

He moves his arms around her into a semi hug and walks them together outside of the house. It was hard for both of them to leave but he felt pretty sure they'd return.

Besides, they were going to Italy. And he was totally going to get drunk and dive naked with Elena in tow in the Trevi fountain.

The night they arrived back in Mystic Falls was exactly 56 days after Elena left town in search of Stefan. Damon was out (thank God. They weren't ready for the firing squad yet.) for the night and they were exhausted from their day of traveling. Stepping into the room he left was surreal. Elena held his hand as he held their luggage and set it down by the door of his/their bedroom and watched his face as it took in the space. Books and old journals everywhere; newspaper clippings on the walls; his shirt on the bed.

Elena pulls him into the room and stands beside him. "I turned your room into a bit of a research center. I was so scared and mad and restless that I had to figure out how to get to you." Stefan just nods. He looks at her and kisses her still holding her hand.

"We made it. And I love you."

"I love you too. Let's get back to our life."


End file.
